How To Prepare When Telling Your Spouse You Want A Divorce

Feb 20, 2026

Telling your spouse you want a divorce is not only an emotional turning point. It is also a legal one. The decisions you make before and immediately after that conversation can affect your financial security, parenting arrangements, and long-term rights and obligations.

Before raising the subject of divorce, you need to understand the legal protections available to you and the risks you need to prepare for. Careful legal preparation can help you avoid costly mistakes and protect your interests from the outset.

At Kelly Jordan Family Law, our experienced divorce lawyers and family law team provide consultations, helping individuals understand the legal preparation that can protect their rights and reduce unnecessary conflict. In many cases, preparation can lead to a smoother divorce process and stronger long-term outcomes.

If you are thinking about telling your spouse you want a divorce, planning allows you to approach the situation clearly with a realistic understanding of what lies ahead. This blog post outlines key legal, financial, and practical steps to consider before starting that conversation.

Understanding What Divorce Means Where You Live

Before raising the topic, it is important to understand what divorce actually means in your province. In Ontario, separation and divorce are related but distinct legal concepts.

Separation occurs when spouses begin living separately and apart with the intention of ending the marriage. You can be separated even if you continue living under the same roof. Divorce is the legal process that formally ends a marriage and can only be granted after specific legal requirements are met.

Many legal issues begin at separation, not at divorce.

Parenting arrangements, child support, spousal support, and property division are often addressed early. Understanding this distinction helps answer a common question people ask at the start: “How do I prepare for a divorce without unintentionally harming my position?”

Gathering Financial Documents Before You Speak

Before you tell your spouse you want a divorce, you should quietly gather and organize financial information. This is not about hiding assets or acting unfairly. It is about being informed and prepared.

Key documents to collect include:

Recent tax returns and notices of assessment
Pay stubs and employment income records
Bank account and credit card statements
Investment and retirement account statements
Mortgage documents and property deeds
Loan agreements and lines of credit
Business financial records, if applicable

Having access to accurate financial information helps you understand your household finances and prepares you for discussions around support, debt, and property division. It also reduces the risk of information being withheld later.

Understanding Key Legal Issues In Advance

Divorce involves several core legal issues. Having a basic understanding of them before the conversation can reduce fear and prevent impulsive decisions.

Parenting And Decision Making

If you have children, parenting arrangements will be one of the most important issues. Courts focus on the best interests of the child, not on what feels fair to the parents. This includes where children will live, how parenting time is shared, and how major decisions are made.

Thinking ahead about routines, schooling, and caregiving roles can help you approach the conversation more thoughtfully.

Spousal Support

Spousal support is not automatic, but it may apply depending on factors such as income differences, length of the relationship, roles during the marriage, and economic disadvantage. Understanding that spousal support is assessed using guidelines can help manage expectations on both sides.

Debt And Property Division

In Ontario, married spouses generally share the increase in value of property accumulated during the marriage. This includes assets and debts.

Knowing what is considered family property and what may be excluded can prevent misunderstandings and emotional reactions during early discussions.

What Not To Do Financially

The period before and immediately after separation is when many people make financial mistakes that cause long-term consequences.

Avoid actions such as:

Emptying joint accounts without legal advice
Running up credit card debt
Hiding or transferring assets
Making large purchases or gifts
Cutting off your spouse financially without guidance

These actions can damage your credibility and negatively affect court outcomes. Keep to financial restraint, even if your emotions are running high.

Thinking About Living Arrangements

Before telling your spouse you want a divorce, consider where each of you might live after separation. Leaving the family home without a plan can affect parenting arrangements and financial negotiations.

If children are involved, courts may look at who remains in the home and how stability is maintained. In some cases, staying temporarily may be appropriate. However, in others, alternative arrangements may be safer or more practical.

In some cases, leaving the family home is not possible because of financial restraints. You will need to set rules about living arrangements under the same roof while separated.

Understanding your options before the conversation helps you make decisions based on strategy rather than panic.

Safety And Privacy During A High-Risk Time

Deciding to leave a relationship is widely recognized as one of the most dangerous times for intimate partner violence. Even if your relationship has never been physically abusive, separation can escalate controlling, threatening, or unpredictable behaviour.

Before raising the topic, consider your personal safety and digital privacy. This may include:

Changing passwords to email, banking, and social media accounts
Reviewing who has access to your phone, location sharing, and devices
Securing important documents in a safe location
Having a safety plan if the conversation becomes volatile

If you have concerns about your safety or your children’s safety, speaking with a professional before the conversation is vital. Your well-being should always come first.

Speaking With Divorce Lawyers And Family Law Professionals

One of the most important steps you can take before telling your spouse you want a divorce is speaking with experienced divorce lawyers and family law professionals. A consultation does not mean you are committed to filing immediately. It means you are informed.

A family law lawyer can:

Explain your rights and obligations
Help you understand likely outcomes
Identify risks based on your specific situation
Advise you on what not to do before separation
Help you plan the timing and structure of your next steps

This guidance can prevent mistakes that are difficult or impossible to undo.

Preparing For Court If Children Are Involved

While many cases resolve without trial, it is important to prepare as though a judge may eventually review your actions. Courts pay close attention to how parents behave during separation.

Before having the conversation, consider how you will:

Support your children emotionally
Maintain routines and stability
Communicate respectfully with the other parent
Avoid involving children in conflict

Demonstrating child-focused decision-making from the beginning can significantly influence parenting outcomes.

Preparing Yourself Before The Conversation

Telling your spouse you want a divorce is an emotional moment and a legal turning point. Preparing in advance allows you to protect yourself, your children, and your future.

Taking the time to understand the process, gather information, consider your safety, and speak with a family law lawyer helps you start the conversation confidently and with clarity.

At Kelly Jordan Family Law, our divorce lawyers and family law legal team provide clear guidance customized to your circumstances.

Contact us online or call our Toronto offices at 416-849-5501 to schedule a consultation, so that we can provide the guidance and support you need.

Additional resources

CLEO – Community Legal Education Ontario – Family Law